Manav Chordia, 19, is a writer and poet from Chennai, India. He is currently studying to obtain his Bachelor’s degree. Through his writing, Manav experiments with the bounds of acceptable content.
How to be a Nymphomaniac
Today will be a hard day for you. You’ll hope that you can make it out in one piece, with your fragile heart intact. You’ll wake up exactly 12 minutes before your 9 o’clock alarm would’ve gone off. You would’ve anticipated this to happen because you’ve been maintaining a busy schedule for the past few weeks.
Jump out of bed after stretching like a lazy goose. Scrub your yellowing teeth till they bleed, so that your infectious smile remains polished. You’ll try to cover up your face with a few dabs of makeup and a few strokes of blush. You will hope that you look pretty enough for the men out in the world, but do they care?
“You will never be mistaken for a whore,” you’ll tell the soul trapped in the mirror.
These words will break the silence of the moment that you’re trapped in. They will religiously echo in your mind, just like the church bells you used to ignore when you let those unholy men enter your sacred body without any shame. The truth is that you’ll succumbed to the life of a sinner, you will choose this.
You will let yourselfdown.
Let teardrops drip down the face, but do not lose hope. You will not be a complete mess.
You will believe your lies and wipe away your tears. You will try to drift offelsewhere.
Enter the dreamland that your mind fabricates. You’ll witness the landscape that surrounds you. Morph into something familiar. Soon you’ll notice that this isn’t a dream, but the one intervention that taunted your vulgar choices.
Your breathing will get heavier, but you will still be nervous about what’s coming your way. You will witness your regretswalk in, one after the other, slow and loud, all hundred and six of them. They’ll back up against the wall just like criminals in a police line-up. You will look at their faces, their naked bodies, and their genitals. You will feel guilty. You will choke. Your mind will trick you into reliving the intimate moments you’ve spent with these men. You will breathe heavier, and you will live through it all. You will not give up, not yet.
Understand how you brought this burden upon yourself. Accept the consequences that might follow. You will be responsible for your choices. You will not be ashamed of your achievements. Be proud to be a sinner. Be proud to be a nymphomaniac.
You will feel unhappy, but realize the truth. The problem isn’t with you or your decisions but with the people that judge you. The less they know, the better your life will be. You will spread your legs. You will do it with pride. And you will never stop being yourself.
You will appreciate to have always given in to your carnal desires, you will love to have followed your passion, and you’ll love to have lived such a kinky lifestyle. You will have earned the right to feel proud about it all—the flirting, seduction, and the ultimate endgame.
You will look at the mirror. You will laugh at the soul trapped. You will apply your slutty red lipstick. Twice, because you can. Wear your sheer mesh top. Put on a pair of leather shorts.
“Yeahhh!! Who’s the slut now!” you’ll say.
You’ll pregame a little and run out the door. Your friends will be waiting outside to pick you up for a night out. You will look at them and feel better. Later, you will have had made new contacts, connections and regrets but you wear a smile now.
You will scout the fields. You will flood the bars. You will walk the streets. You will not be alone, and you will be set free. Your only obstacle is yourself and you’ll obliterate it all over again.
Acceptance is righteous.
~ For you are who you are, and dammit you will love that sensation.
Acceptance is solitary
~ For if you don’t love yourself, how will someone else.
Acceptance is bliss.
~ For when nothing weighs you down, you will fly high.